10,000 REASONS

FORGIVEN ONLY TO FALL ONCE AGAIN. Getting ‘fresh starts’ only to get all muddy again. AND you ask yourself, “When will I ever get it right?” AND you beat yourself up! (Oh! How good we are in doing this! We are all experts in condemning ourselves!)

“Ang tagal-tagal mo ng Kristiyano ganyan ka pa din?! 

Pa-simba-simba ka pa! Not ounce less Abby! 

You are the same as you were 10 years ago.”

And the past haunts you down, reminding you of all your failures, calling you names of shame and regret and you wonder, “How long is this gonna last?”

Hosea 7:1 [My own version]

"Everytime I gave [you Abby] a fresh start, wiped the slate clean and got [you] going again

[you] soon filled the slate with new sins."

When I know and I know that I DO NOT DESERVE a single act of goodness from the Lord and yet He still bless. How stubborn and wayward daughter I become and yet His love remains constant. A thousand times I've failed, still His mercy remains and I can't help but to fall on my knees and to realize HIS RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF AN UNDESERVING PERSON JUST LIKE ME. 

Oh God! what a terrible SINNER I am before You, when it is just right to PUNISH me, to WALK AWAY from me and to GIVE UP on me, YOU PURSUE ME STILL.

"OH! How He must tire of our ruthless ability to accumulate sin BUT GOD forgives us anyway.

His constant pursuit of us leaves Him exposed BUT GOD still seeks us.

We run BUT GOD still relentlessly pursues us.

We sin again and again BUT GOD so loved the world.

We are ‘treacherous and half baked’ BUT GOD remains.

We are ‘bird-brained, mindless, clueless’ BUT GOD understands.

Like a weather vane, we turn our backs on Him BUT GOD endlessly welcomes us back.

“Our love for him is like a morning mist, like the early dews that quickly disappears,” BUT GOD loves us still. We constant change BUT GOD never does." 

BUT GOD! Thank God for those two words. We are hopeless before You OH GOD!!! BUT GOD, YOU ALWAYS MAKE A WAY.

And in the middle of my self-proclaimed verdict of guilt and condemnation there God gently whispers,

“I know what is coming Abby. I know you will fail this test 

and you will fail some more but trust Me, I will not let you fall away completely. 

My gentle hands can always lead you back to the right path. You have never gone so far that you can’t come home to me Abby. Trust me, your story isn’t finish yet. Take heart my daughter, I am not done with you yet.”

 Life is unfair. Life is tough and sometimes it will knock us down. But we are never defined by our failures nor our mistakes, what define a person is how she gets back up and keep going. We should never quit on God quitting on ourselves. When He said that He will put into COMPLETION whatever He has started in you, He meant it. You are never too late to start a new chapter of your life. You are never too old to dream new dreams once again and you are never too far from God’s love to reach you. There’s hope, it’s with Him, it’s HIM and it is a sure thing because GOD IS OUR ULTIMATE HOPE AND OUR GOD IS A GOD OF REDEMPTION.

“Do not put a PERIOD where God puts a COMMA.”

 “…but where sin increases, grace abounds all the more.” – Romans 5:20

All is GRACE, undeserved, unmerited favor of GOD.

I remember a conversation with my pastor:

Pastor: Pag nadapa, tayo ulit at bumalik sa piling Niya. Wag na wag mo i-disqualify yung sarili mo, kasi pinili ka na Niya?

“29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also GLORIFIED.” – Romans 8:29-30

And if you are tired of trying and failing and trying once again and failing again and trying some more and failing… come to the Lord who gives rest. Rest in Him and let Him fix you and win the battle for you. He is able and He is willing.

"28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

Whatever you have done in the past, there is absolutely nothing that can make God love you less or love you more. HE LOVES YOU WITH UNENDING, UNCONDITIONAL AND UNWAIVERING KIND OF LOVE.

"38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels now demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any power, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will able to separate us from the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

If I fail nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine times, I will find TEN THOUSAND REASONS to get back up because God said, “Abby I am not done with you yet and your story has still to be unfold and to be told. Wait upon the Lord, wait upon Me.”

To all who has been given thousand times of chances and still couldn't get it right, 

sharing you this video, I hope you get blessed! WE ARE LOVED BY GOD NO MATTER!

Why Is She Still SINGLE? Finally She ANSWERS

Every time I would meet someone for the first time I would never ever escape this dreadful question, “Do you have a boyfriend?” and sometimes, honestly I just wanna say YES, so I could spare myself from explaining why up until now I am still single, because I realized people don’t believe me anyway whenever I say “NO.”

They just couldn't believe that this beautiful, smart, confident, charming Abby Borja is single. [These are all according to them, please don’t hate me.] For them, it just doesn't make sense, and so they throw the follow up question which I hated the most, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” And you could only imagine my reaction every time I would hear this. I didn't know that being single is a crime. Honestly, I wasn't informed. But this is my reality… despite how people think I got everything every man could ever wish for his GIRL, I AM SINGLE and I want the whole world to know that I am absolutely OKAY with it, in fact I am happy about it. GET OVER IT.

I grew up in a community where boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are highly discouraged especially when you are still in school simply because there is none such in the bible [DO NOT ARGUE, THIS MATTER IS SETTLED! I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH THIS!] Graciously, I was able to finished college not having a single relationship with any guy [most of the people I know, know why.] And so I graduated and entered the so called REAL WORLD, and I realized that this world seems to be a COUPLE'S world because wherever you look, you see that everyone has a partner. [Oh well in the beginning there was ADAM and EVE and not to mention God’s order to Noah to keep a male and a female of each kind inside the ark, so I guess this world was made and was meant for DOUBLE and never for SINGLE yeah?…]

OKAY Let us go back to the topic, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? Aren't there any man ever showing interests in me? Of course there is. Am I too overly choosy? Should I not? Or maybe, just maybe I am JUST DEAD SCARED?

I remember my conversation with this girlfriend of mine; she asked me the same question, “Why are you still single?” And so I started my litany from the famous line “I am waiting on the Lord.” to “I am having a blast being a single!” and in the middle of my passionate explanations she interrupted and boldly said, “HINDI! DUWAG KA! EXCUSE MO LANG LAHAT NG IYAN, ANG TOTOO NATATAKOT KA.”

And I stopped, for a few seconds there was silence but in my mind I remember shouting, “You are wrong!!! I am not scared!!!” But to my disbelief my lips suddenly uttered, “I guess you are right. I think I am.” And there was silence once again...

I grew up without a dad. He left when I was three. It’s painful to know that he left us for another woman and that pain afflicted me for a very long time. My name is Abby Gyll derived from a Hebrew name Abigail which means “FATHER’S JOY.” Growing up I have asked,

“How can I be a Father’s Joy when my father left me and live a life as if I do not exist?” And not to mention the public humiliation I experienced when he announced to the whole world that he has only ONE daughter when he and his family were interviewed in an on air talk show. WOW! I do totally not exist because of that statement. FATHER’S JOY? ME? YEAH RIGHT!”

For years I carried that pain in my heart. I thought that if my own dad wasn't happy about my existence what makes me think that I could ever make any man happy about it? And so I shut all the men in my life. They said I am too cold, too stiff, too hard but what they don’t know is that I am not cold, I am not stiff, I am not hard… I AM BROKEN.

Having full guards up I did not let any man get any further into my heart. I was doing okay until I reached the age of 23 when I met a young man who swept me off my feet. [Seriously! I really believe that he swept me off my feet and my head hit the floor because I LOST ALL MY SANITY!] He was absolutely a complete opposite of what used to be my HIGH STANDARDS  and yet I was deeply, madly in love with him AND just like what I expected it to be, after three full months had passed, I found myself in pain again, this time it was extremely gut-wrenchingly painful. I never thought that my already broken heart could ever be more broken. And so I hated life, I hated myself, I hated him, I hated everyone else including God. I was in deep pain I sincerely wanted everything to end. I wanted to commit suicide that time but for whatever reason I chose to live and I am glad I did.

2012 was the year I struggled with my faith. I was confused and I started to question.

“Does God really love me? If He truly loves me then why would He withhold that which I believed will fully satisfy me? Why do I live in this sense of rejection, of lack, of pain? Does He not want me to be happy?”

For days, weeks, months and for years I've struggled trying to figure out what did I do to deserve all of these? And I've reached the point when I became so numb. I was too spent to say another “Please.” or “Amen.” I am too soul-weary trying to hold on to the past, wishing it all go away. My heart is torn trying to have it all together despite whatever. I am too tired, I’m worn and I've lost my will to fight and so I SURRENDERED. With all that I have left I cried out to God and there I saw Him, right there. All this time He was there, waiting for me patiently. He was there because He cares. He’s always been there, He never left me nor have He forsaken me. I remembered that moment when God with all that He is welcome me with arms wide open and He wrapped me in His arms and He said,

“It’s okay Abby, it’s okay to let go. You can trust me because I love you, I truly love you. I named you Abby Gyll for a reason, that truly you are a Father's Joy. I am your Father and you are My Joy.”

And I wept and I felt like His embrace became so tangible I could feel His presence right there where I am. God is there and He is real. I would never ever forget that moment, because in that moment I felt so alive. The God who created the universe is hurting with me and He cares and He loves because how can He not when HE is LOVE HIMSELF?

For a very long time I forgot what it is to love and be loved. God healed my broken heart, melted my defenses and He showed me the way through the pain. He taught me how to love once again. HE TAUGHT ME THAT THE WAY THROUGH THE PAIN IS TO REACH OUT TO OTHERS IN THEIRS. That this is the true meaning of LOVE: The taking of one’s life, pouring it out and making it a blessing. This is how God displayed His great love for us through the CROSS. Could there be any greater LOVE than this? That a HOLY GOD would hurt, would suffer and would die for sinners just like me? So just like His, my pains have purpose. All these hurting would all make sense one day. I might not understand now but it's okay because He promised that His plan for us is always to prosper us and never to harm us, to give us hope and a future and that all HIS PROMISES are PERFECT and YES to all those who believe in Him and He who promised is FAITHFUL.

"God's way is PERFECT. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection." - Psalm 18:30

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

And if God's plan is perfect then why alter it? If this pain is part of God's plan then let it hurt. If this is God's plan then I CHOOSE PAIN.


And so you ask me why am I still SINGLE?

The reason is… because I haven’t met that man who can love me with the LOVE of JESUS CHRIST yet. Because I learned that a human love is so frail, so conditional, so superficial and I am sure as hell that for that MAN to be able to love ABBY BORJA, he would need GOD’S LOVE in him because I know how wrecked of a woman I am, how difficult and how unreasonable I can be, how demanding and how selfish I am at times and in the process I don’t want to end up breaking that man. I don’t even know how to cook for crying out loud but God said that He is not done with me yet and that I am a MIRACLE ON PROGRESS. I am learning, slowly I am.

These are the reasons why I am still single because I long for a man who has the character to withstand the witch in me. That man who can see past my physical feature and see what’s really happening inside me. That this girl who happened to have a strong personality, who seems to have it all together is really an imperfect, fragile broken little girl who is in need of genuine love and care. [Who wouldn't need this anyway? Aren't all girls deserving to be loved and cared for by their MAN?]

I have to admit I've heard too many crying girlfriends telling stories how their boyfriends cheated on them. I've heard too many broken marriages and I've heard too many stories of lost and wayward young people as a result of these happenings and IT SCARES ME. I had enough! And so I wanted and prayed for my own story to hold a different ending. That my NEXT boyfriend will be my LAST and that he would become a GOOD FATHER; a solid foundation for me and the entire family, a husband whom I can lean on and JUST IN CASE our relationship would fall apart, HE WILL CHOOSE TO STAY because he loves our children so much more than himself that he would do everything so they will never have to suffer the same things I have suffered.

And if I may ask, is this too much to ask for MY MAN? Or is this the very thing ALL MEN OUGHT to be and ought to do for their GIRL? That every man should treat his girl like a princess, love her with an everlasting love just like how JESUS loves the CHURCH. Not to give up on her when things started to get ugly and to redeem her no matter what it takes? Isn't this the very essence of every man? To pursue, to provide and to protect? That having a man right by your side would really mean ONE LESS LONELY GIRL?

Because this kind of love, GOD’S KIND OF LOVE which is RELENTLESS AND STUBBORN is the only love that can contain the totality Abby Borja, her past, her present and her future.

Honesty, I have no idea if I've already met “THE ONE”, only God knows but until then, I will wait patiently and live JOYFULLY SINGLE in this COUPLE'S WORLD. I know one day I will finally meet him and when that day comes I wanna CATER TO YOU.

SO TO all the SINGLE LADIES out there...

BEST THING COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT. That kind of man is cannot be rushed. He is worth the wait. PROMISE.

AND TO all the WORN out there...

Whatever situation you are facing right now, God is there with you, hurting with you, He cares and He loves you so much. So sisters and brothers, let us put our trusts on the Lord because His love for us is perfect. It’s okay to let go, to surrender and see God walk through your situation and let him fight the battle for you. The battle is His and the victory is to those who choose to believe.

And so I close with this verse:

Isaiah 43:1-4

“Don’t be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your NAME; you are MINE. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.

Because I am God, your personal God, …your Saviour. I paid a huge price for you… I’d sell of the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you. That’s how you mean to me! That’s HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.”

PS: I have forgiven my dad and that young guy. In fact I have a wonderful relationship to both of them. This I learned,

“The beginning of WINNING is in forgiving.” – Abby Borja

Sharing you this wonderful song... I hope you get blessed.

2013 Abby Borja: A look back to the BEST year so far called 2013

2012 has been a year full of SUFFERINGS, PAINS and REGRETS. It is the year where my HEART and FAITH were been tested the most. But God closed it and gave me a NEW beginning, a FRESH start called 2013.

I entered it (2013) with a hopeful heart, that this year would be BETTER both for my family and myself. I HAVE DRAWN THE LINE! Drawing the line means I will no longer be the continuation of whatever is wrong in my life and will be a champion of right, I will be the beginning of a new future. What needs to be stop has to stop and what needs to start has to start. I’ve decided that I won’t play church anymore. I decided to leave the CROWD and be a DISCIPLE once and for all.

And GOD has been FAITHFUL. Guiding me one step at a time. He redeemed 2012 and unwrapped 2013 with a BANG!!!

Isaiah 61:7 says, “Instead of your former shame, you shall have a two-fold recompense. Instead of dishonor and reproach your people shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land, they shall possess double what they forfeited.” What the enemy has stolen from me God gave it back double. DOUBLE FOR MY TROUBLE!!! During 2012 I was broken, trampled, unhappy, confused Abby BUT NOW I am victorious, blessed, favored, loved Abby.

The GIFTS of 2013
Arena Island Print Ad
All expense paid vacation in a private island.
Dance4Life
The Biggest monthly earnings of my life
An all expense paid travel to SG-Indonesia
First TV COMMERCIAL
A Billboad project in EDSA
The first disciple
SheReadsTruth Community
Noontime TV Shows Experience
The Charity works
Model2Matter
Ann Voscamp, 1000Gifts
The New place
My BESTfriend
And this NEW BEGINNING, 2014

Indeed, BEAUTY for ashes. HONOR for former shame. A transformation from GLORY TO GLORY. GRACE of God. That truly HE IS GOOD AND I AM ALWAYS LOVED.

Now as I closed the book of 2013 I would like to thank all the people who made it EXTRA MEANINGFUL.

To the GREAT I AM, My Father.

To my spiritual parents who have been relentless in prayer both for me and my family and for your constantly rebuking, correcting and loving, Pastor Josef and Ate Grace, Pastor Arnold and Ate Nice, Mike and Misce Eugenio, Pastor Mark Juane

To my dearest friends who always been supportive and loving, Jamie Landayan, Nadine Abuel, Dhianne Gollena, Anne Buere, Glazel Balajadia, Sarah Josef.

To my ever sweetest disciple, Eunise Panganiban.

To my biological family who brought me to my knees every morning.

To SheReadsTruth Community for igniting the joy of quiet time in me.

To my DANCE4LIFE, MODEL2MATTER, PLM-PEP and Dancing Bride FAMILY.

To my haters who made me understand GRACE all the more.

AND TO EVERYONE who became part of my 2013...

A million thanks from the bottom of my heart.
FROM MY HEART TO YOU…
I wish you all a PROSPEROUS, GRAND, BLESSED, AMAZING HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

and if I hurt you, I AM SO SORRY. – AbbyB.

"BLESSED is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be ACCOMPLISHED." - Luke 1:45

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY FOREVERMORE.

**disclaimer - I do not own the music used in this video.**

Sakit likod, mabaho, pagod sa kakalakbay kung saan saan madeliver lang ang mga lechon... Ngayon umiiyak. Bakit??? Kasi yung kinita ko ngayong araw kaya kong kitain sa pagmomodel ng 3-5hours ng walang kahirap-hirap. Naiiyak ako kasi sobrang na-appreciate ko ung kinita ko ngayon, maliit kapalit ng effort na binigay ko pero ang saya ko lang kasi alam ko "hard-earned" siya. Masasabi kong pinaghirapan ko talaga!!!

Ngayon mas lalo kong na-appreciate yung trabaho ko sa pagiging modelo. Primadonna ang trato, lahat provided: damit, pagkain ultimo minsan pati transportation pero I have taken it for granted, madalas pumepetiks ako, reklamo dito reklamo dun, demand ng demand, ang laki nung tf na halos sahod ng isang trabahador isang buwan pero feeling ko pa din "underpaid" ako. Tapos nangyari yung NGAYON. Grabeh ka lang talaga Lord! Umiiyak sa galak, nakaluhod, sobrang saya lang ng puso ko ngayon.  Alam mo ung sobrang fulfilled? Naiiyak ka na lang at thank you ka ng thank you kay Lord. Kasi pinaranas nya un sayo. Grabeh! Ang sarap sa feeling kapag genuine na pagpapasalamat ang nadarama mo. Salamat Lord for this experience!!! Waaahhh!!! Alam ko hinahanda Mo ako sa isang napakalaking bagay. Salamat Ama ngayon pa lamang.

It's really true. The harder it is, the sweeter it will be. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! 

Ang tunay na diwa ng pasko ay ang pagdating ng tunay na Tagapagligtas at nagiisang Hari. 

Napa-tagalog ako ng bongga, iba talaga tong revelation na to sa akin!!! Thank You Lord! Iloveyouuuuuuu!!!! #Grateful #Overwhelmed #Fulfilled