Why Is She Still SINGLE? Finally She ANSWERS

Every time I would meet someone for the first time I would never ever escape this dreadful question, “Do you have a boyfriend?” and sometimes, honestly I just wanna say YES, so I could spare myself from explaining why up until now I am still single, because I realized people don’t believe me anyway whenever I say “NO.”

They just couldn't believe that this beautiful, smart, confident, charming Abby Borja is single. [These are all according to them, please don’t hate me.] For them, it just doesn't make sense, and so they throw the follow up question which I hated the most, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” And you could only imagine my reaction every time I would hear this. I didn't know that being single is a crime. Honestly, I wasn't informed. But this is my reality… despite how people think I got everything every man could ever wish for his GIRL, I AM SINGLE and I want the whole world to know that I am absolutely OKAY with it, in fact I am happy about it. GET OVER IT.

I grew up in a community where boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are highly discouraged especially when you are still in school simply because there is none such in the bible [DO NOT ARGUE, THIS MATTER IS SETTLED! I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH THIS!] Graciously, I was able to finished college not having a single relationship with any guy [most of the people I know, know why.] And so I graduated and entered the so called REAL WORLD, and I realized that this world seems to be a COUPLE'S world because wherever you look, you see that everyone has a partner. [Oh well in the beginning there was ADAM and EVE and not to mention God’s order to Noah to keep a male and a female of each kind inside the ark, so I guess this world was made and was meant for DOUBLE and never for SINGLE yeah?…]

OKAY Let us go back to the topic, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? Aren't there any man ever showing interests in me? Of course there is. Am I too overly choosy? Should I not? Or maybe, just maybe I am JUST DEAD SCARED?

I remember my conversation with this girlfriend of mine; she asked me the same question, “Why are you still single?” And so I started my litany from the famous line “I am waiting on the Lord.” to “I am having a blast being a single!” and in the middle of my passionate explanations she interrupted and boldly said, “HINDI! DUWAG KA! EXCUSE MO LANG LAHAT NG IYAN, ANG TOTOO NATATAKOT KA.”

And I stopped, for a few seconds there was silence but in my mind I remember shouting, “You are wrong!!! I am not scared!!!” But to my disbelief my lips suddenly uttered, “I guess you are right. I think I am.” And there was silence once again...

I grew up without a dad. He left when I was three. It’s painful to know that he left us for another woman and that pain afflicted me for a very long time. My name is Abby Gyll derived from a Hebrew name Abigail which means “FATHER’S JOY.” Growing up I have asked,

“How can I be a Father’s Joy when my father left me and live a life as if I do not exist?” And not to mention the public humiliation I experienced when he announced to the whole world that he has only ONE daughter when he and his family were interviewed in an on air talk show. WOW! I do totally not exist because of that statement. FATHER’S JOY? ME? YEAH RIGHT!”

For years I carried that pain in my heart. I thought that if my own dad wasn't happy about my existence what makes me think that I could ever make any man happy about it? And so I shut all the men in my life. They said I am too cold, too stiff, too hard but what they don’t know is that I am not cold, I am not stiff, I am not hard… I AM BROKEN.

Having full guards up I did not let any man get any further into my heart. I was doing okay until I reached the age of 23 when I met a young man who swept me off my feet. [Seriously! I really believe that he swept me off my feet and my head hit the floor because I LOST ALL MY SANITY!] He was absolutely a complete opposite of what used to be my HIGH STANDARDS  and yet I was deeply, madly in love with him AND just like what I expected it to be, after three full months had passed, I found myself in pain again, this time it was extremely gut-wrenchingly painful. I never thought that my already broken heart could ever be more broken. And so I hated life, I hated myself, I hated him, I hated everyone else including God. I was in deep pain I sincerely wanted everything to end. I wanted to commit suicide that time but for whatever reason I chose to live and I am glad I did.

2012 was the year I struggled with my faith. I was confused and I started to question.

“Does God really love me? If He truly loves me then why would He withhold that which I believed will fully satisfy me? Why do I live in this sense of rejection, of lack, of pain? Does He not want me to be happy?”

For days, weeks, months and for years I've struggled trying to figure out what did I do to deserve all of these? And I've reached the point when I became so numb. I was too spent to say another “Please.” or “Amen.” I am too soul-weary trying to hold on to the past, wishing it all go away. My heart is torn trying to have it all together despite whatever. I am too tired, I’m worn and I've lost my will to fight and so I SURRENDERED. With all that I have left I cried out to God and there I saw Him, right there. All this time He was there, waiting for me patiently. He was there because He cares. He’s always been there, He never left me nor have He forsaken me. I remembered that moment when God with all that He is welcome me with arms wide open and He wrapped me in His arms and He said,

“It’s okay Abby, it’s okay to let go. You can trust me because I love you, I truly love you. I named you Abby Gyll for a reason, that truly you are a Father's Joy. I am your Father and you are My Joy.”

And I wept and I felt like His embrace became so tangible I could feel His presence right there where I am. God is there and He is real. I would never ever forget that moment, because in that moment I felt so alive. The God who created the universe is hurting with me and He cares and He loves because how can He not when HE is LOVE HIMSELF?

For a very long time I forgot what it is to love and be loved. God healed my broken heart, melted my defenses and He showed me the way through the pain. He taught me how to love once again. HE TAUGHT ME THAT THE WAY THROUGH THE PAIN IS TO REACH OUT TO OTHERS IN THEIRS. That this is the true meaning of LOVE: The taking of one’s life, pouring it out and making it a blessing. This is how God displayed His great love for us through the CROSS. Could there be any greater LOVE than this? That a HOLY GOD would hurt, would suffer and would die for sinners just like me? So just like His, my pains have purpose. All these hurting would all make sense one day. I might not understand now but it's okay because He promised that His plan for us is always to prosper us and never to harm us, to give us hope and a future and that all HIS PROMISES are PERFECT and YES to all those who believe in Him and He who promised is FAITHFUL.

"God's way is PERFECT. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection." - Psalm 18:30

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

And if God's plan is perfect then why alter it? If this pain is part of God's plan then let it hurt. If this is God's plan then I CHOOSE PAIN.


And so you ask me why am I still SINGLE?

The reason is… because I haven’t met that man who can love me with the LOVE of JESUS CHRIST yet. Because I learned that a human love is so frail, so conditional, so superficial and I am sure as hell that for that MAN to be able to love ABBY BORJA, he would need GOD’S LOVE in him because I know how wrecked of a woman I am, how difficult and how unreasonable I can be, how demanding and how selfish I am at times and in the process I don’t want to end up breaking that man. I don’t even know how to cook for crying out loud but God said that He is not done with me yet and that I am a MIRACLE ON PROGRESS. I am learning, slowly I am.

These are the reasons why I am still single because I long for a man who has the character to withstand the witch in me. That man who can see past my physical feature and see what’s really happening inside me. That this girl who happened to have a strong personality, who seems to have it all together is really an imperfect, fragile broken little girl who is in need of genuine love and care. [Who wouldn't need this anyway? Aren't all girls deserving to be loved and cared for by their MAN?]

I have to admit I've heard too many crying girlfriends telling stories how their boyfriends cheated on them. I've heard too many broken marriages and I've heard too many stories of lost and wayward young people as a result of these happenings and IT SCARES ME. I had enough! And so I wanted and prayed for my own story to hold a different ending. That my NEXT boyfriend will be my LAST and that he would become a GOOD FATHER; a solid foundation for me and the entire family, a husband whom I can lean on and JUST IN CASE our relationship would fall apart, HE WILL CHOOSE TO STAY because he loves our children so much more than himself that he would do everything so they will never have to suffer the same things I have suffered.

And if I may ask, is this too much to ask for MY MAN? Or is this the very thing ALL MEN OUGHT to be and ought to do for their GIRL? That every man should treat his girl like a princess, love her with an everlasting love just like how JESUS loves the CHURCH. Not to give up on her when things started to get ugly and to redeem her no matter what it takes? Isn't this the very essence of every man? To pursue, to provide and to protect? That having a man right by your side would really mean ONE LESS LONELY GIRL?

Because this kind of love, GOD’S KIND OF LOVE which is RELENTLESS AND STUBBORN is the only love that can contain the totality Abby Borja, her past, her present and her future.

Honesty, I have no idea if I've already met “THE ONE”, only God knows but until then, I will wait patiently and live JOYFULLY SINGLE in this COUPLE'S WORLD. I know one day I will finally meet him and when that day comes I wanna CATER TO YOU.

SO TO all the SINGLE LADIES out there...

BEST THING COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT. That kind of man is cannot be rushed. He is worth the wait. PROMISE.

AND TO all the WORN out there...

Whatever situation you are facing right now, God is there with you, hurting with you, He cares and He loves you so much. So sisters and brothers, let us put our trusts on the Lord because His love for us is perfect. It’s okay to let go, to surrender and see God walk through your situation and let him fight the battle for you. The battle is His and the victory is to those who choose to believe.

And so I close with this verse:

Isaiah 43:1-4

“Don’t be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your NAME; you are MINE. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.

Because I am God, your personal God, …your Saviour. I paid a huge price for you… I’d sell of the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you. That’s how you mean to me! That’s HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.”

PS: I have forgiven my dad and that young guy. In fact I have a wonderful relationship to both of them. This I learned,

“The beginning of WINNING is in forgiving.” – Abby Borja

Sharing you this wonderful song... I hope you get blessed.