Everytime I want to get mad at God because of suffering, He
shows me Jesus. And it is true, I have known Jesus most deeply in suffering. He
seems to inhabit suffering and He endured it too. He is not a God unfamiliar
with suffering and He is near our broken hearts.
When you don’t have anything or anyone else on earth all of
a sudden God starts looking good but when everything is right and everything
works - let’s be honest we don’t long for heaven or for God. We just don’t. We
live differently when we are crushed. Arrogance is born when there is no
crushing. We need to want Jesus.1
HARD EUCHARISTEO. When even as simple and petty and mundane as
breathing you have to ask from the Lord then everything else becomes a gift:
the air that you breathe in, the next seconds you are still alive, the morning
you wake up to and yes even the heart that is failing you.
Have you ever wondered why God had to wrestle with Jacob? (Genesis
32:22)
Jacob was left alone when God met him, and when we’re alone and at the end of
our resources, then God can come to us and do something in us and for us. When
we are alone we can’t escape into other people’s hearts and minds and be
distracted. The moment we are alone we have to live with ourselves and face
ourselves.
God meets us at whatever level He finds us in order to lift
us to where He wants us to be. To Abraham the pilgrim (Genesis 18), God came as
a traveler and to Joshua the general, He came as a soldier (Joshua 5:13-15).
Jacob had spent most of his adult life wrestling with people – Esau, Isaac,
Laban and even his wives – so God came to him as a wrestler.2
And what what was the significance of God’s touching Jacob
upon the sinew of his thigh?
The sinew in the thigh is the strongest in the human body. A
horse can’t even tear it apart. The Lord has to break us down at the strongest
part of our self-life before He can do His own way of blessing us.
TEAR THE THIGH TO OPEN THE EYE. Wells don’t come without first begging to see the wells,
wells don’t come without first splitting open hard earth, cracking back the
lids. There is no seeing God face to face without first ripping.3
And it was true. In suffering I get to know more of God. In
pain I get to want Him more. And in weakness I get to experience His grace all
the more.
In sickness, I get to experience that He is the God who
heals.
In sorrow, I get to experience that He is the God who
comforts.
In sadness, I get to experience that He is the God who gives
joy.
In hunger, I get to experience that He is the God who
satisfies.
In need, I get to experience that He is the God who
provides.
In uncertainties, I get to experience that He is the God who
remains constant and sure.
And the list can go on… If all is well, how can we
therefore want Jesus?
TEAR THE THIGH TO OPEN THE EYE.
In this brokenness and struggle, God opened my eye and I saw.
- - A used to be reckless naive mom into seeing a delicately
loving mom who is dearly worried, couldn’t sleep at night, got up and went to
the neighbors just to borrow a nebulizer. God opened my eye and I saw, I am
safe.
- - A used to be willful and contentious disciple into
seeing a generous selfless disciple who made her way to visit me and cared for
me unreservedly. God opened my eye and I saw, I am grateful.
- - A used to be indifferent and insensitive
bestfriend into seeing concerned bestfriend, who constantly checks on me,
telling me that a smile emoticon from me is a relieved. God opened my eye and I
saw, I am cared for.
- - A used to be sluggish careless annoying 7-yr old
niece into seeing a diligent, sincere, gentle niece who served me and do
whatever I asked her to do. God opened my eye and I saw, I am esteemed.
- - A used to be tough and critical discplier into a
sweet, soft and truly concerned who took the time to get her phoned load up so
she can rebuke me lovingly and prayed for me relentlessly. God opened my eye
and I saw, I am treasured.
And while I sit in my desert of failing heart, crushed
dreams and broken relationships I pray in confidence that even in the midst of
all these my God is here, He has a plan and He has never forgotten me nor He has
forsaken me. And that promise is also true for you. I don’t know what is your
desert now but you can trust God to fill and penetrate the cracked and dry
places of your life and let His grace and mercy soak and satisfy your soul.
How quick we are to cry out for help for the body when
perhaps our greatest needs are in the inner person. It’s when we are weak that
we are strong and when we’re totally dependent on the Lord, we’re the safest.
“Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many
kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let
perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not
lacking anything.”
And right here in spite of pain, weakness and struggle, I
can lift up my hands and worship and praise and give thanks. Because in every season
He is a constant God: good, loving and above all faithful and we have a reason
to sing and we have a reason to worship.
And this is MY PRAYER IN THE DESERT.
DESERT SONG
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
Notes
1. Jennie Allen, Restless: Because You Were Made
for More
2. The Wiersbe Bible Commentary
3. Ann Voskamp, 1000gifts
